Truth and Lies

Ok, so a bit different from normal. I want to start this with a quote from "Only the Good Spy Young" by Ally Carter. Please read the series, because it's awesome. I was just thinking about how I was going to blog today, and then I remembered this quote from the end:

"...Don't think of this as me running away, but of me running towards.
" Towards answers. Towards hope. Towards wherever I have to go..."

So, I didn't blog last week because I was packing for Paris. I came back today. And most of it was really fun. I mean we (my friends and I) spent the whole trip in Disneyland Paris going on all of the big rides and having fun and generally being teenagers. Well, we also went up the Eiffel Tower and other stuff, but mainly Disney.
But then this thing happened. I was told something, and it hasn't spoiled my trip, but there's this big chunk of it that is a massive black hole eating away at me whenever I think about it. And it's big, so I'm thinking about it a lot. That's what the knife represents: that feeling eating away at me for knowing about it, and my memory of the trip and my opinions of the people involved, and it's sickening.
I mentioned earlier I went up the Eiffel Tower. That was a big thing for me, because i'm really scared of heights. It's pretty much always been there. I didn't go to the top, but the second floor. Normally, when I'd hear something like this secret, I'd ignore it and hope it goes away. The longing for the closest thing I can get to the truth will still be there, but at least no one would be hurt. But I used to give advice to people about this stuff. And if I'd have had to advice someone in the position I am in now, I'd tell them to dig. So right now, I'm digging. I'm finding all opinions, and looking at what I know, and, it's scary. Because I know people will get hurt, and upset, and I normally try to avoid that. And I still will. But I need the truth. Because there is one person in this situation with a whole load of power, over me, over the other person, and even other another person who doesn't even know about it. And they aren't as delicate around other people as i am, so people could get hurt if they wish it to be so. But if I have the truth, I can stop that, or at least minimize the damage. At least, I hope so.

And really, it's strange to think how one little secret, that I don't even know to be true, can have so much power and potential to hurt, and this control over me. That's what the big lip with the pad lock means. This single secret. I hope I can come back next week and tell you it was all just a joke or a fantasy, but we don't know that. I know some of my friends may read this, and they could probably work out who has the power, if they think hard enough. Part of me hopes they do, another part hopes they don't. Either way, this is me running toward answers, towards tears and pain and anger and fights, and then finally to the Truth.