a small rant

Ok, so these were inspired by, well, a load of stuff. The spade, clock in an apple (well minus the apple), the domino and the infinaty sign were inspired by NCIS. Isn't Abby the best? The cross comes from the fact in town there were people offering to pray for a persons healing, and since my thumb really hurts, I was prayed for (and I think someone from school may have seen me, a little bit embarrising). And the thing you have to listen to me talk about are the ancor and the little bird. And also kinda the infinaty sign as it doubles as rope, well they were inspired by these tattoos on a guy who's photo was distracting me alll throughout my time in my art college.
So, first thing about my art collage (not sure which is trhe right one but hey, you can work it out) is that it's the only one of 4 in the country. Second, I now kinda want to go. I mean, I'm considering taking the Communication and Marketing course. It's much more achedemic and interesting and IT and vocational and it's useful for PR, I hope.
Thrid thing, my mum is determined as hell that I won't go. I mean, my dad and I mentioned I went and I got a lecture that I will "under no curcumsatnces" go to the art college. And you know what, I didn't consider it for 5 minutes until I went and now it seems like the best route to me. Well, one of the best. But she was just so determined for me not to go. I mean, liltterally yelling.
I don't like how predujuce she seems. I'm not sure what I want to do yet, but I feel forced to walk the route she's planed for me. So, yeah, I'm A) really annoyed, and B) really confused.
PS, I know this is short by CSI:NY is on and I'm on my dad's laptop.
PPS. Sorry for any spelling mistakes. It doesn't look like this thing has spell check. I mean, I live off spell check.
Well, tarra

Friends, second-homes and a lot of awesome

So this was more like homework than fun, but it was still fun. It's just in the library at school (or as I call it home or the room of requirements.) we're doing this quiz/book hunt fun-hopefully thing to celebrate national library day. Then we have to do it for the book day as well. Which is ok, and the above is the clue for the book inkheart. I need to read it, but I have seen the movie. (Please don't kill me).
But to be honest I don't mind, because without the library, my friends and I would have no social meeting groud that is safe from people we don't like, and we get bonuses like free books (Mortlock-it is aimed for boys, but still awesome, no romance [well a bit, but...], just friendship and family stuff and magic and zombie things and ghosts and curses and Apocalypse) and missing lessons and cake and to eat our lunch in there when no one else can, and free books we have to give back but can choose and to make the whole library more awesome. Plus we're training some future library awesome people. Which is awesome.
And I'm now going to volunteer in Oxfam for the same reason, because that's pretty much what I ended up doing today. For no reason other than they have awesome cookies and two of my friends volunteer there, and it'll look awesome on my CV. Yes, this blog features a lot of the word awesome, but that's why it's in the title.
So to sum up this blog, I love my school library, soon will love Oxfam, love love love my friends (I got a packet of Macoys crisps today for 50p, like 6 bag packet. It cost 66p for just one. Because my friends had a massive argument. And a book of insults. This all happened in Oxfam) and I love books. And I want all of the Sherlock books. Okay, so that never actually came up yet, but my blogs seem empty without Sherlock. I should really get a life. But then, I love Benedict Cumberbatch and in love with Sherlock as a whole. And soon there will be a photo of me on Facebook lying in the body outline on the floor in my local Waterstones, because of my friends. That's about it.
DFTBA

Not very positive blog

Ok, so this is a lotta photo's. 3 represent characters in what was meant to be a short story, but it's about 7 pages long, and I've got a bit to go, so, maybe small book. One's burnt and becomes the purple bit in every candle, one dies of heart break and becomes the new Mona Lisa, and one dies of "consumption" or tuberculosis and becomes an angel. The order of deaths in reversed here. I'm not too good at writing happy stuff.
And I have the word LOVE on my thumb bit crossed out. This is a) because my friend has a boyfriend, and I'm i) worried I'll never get a boyfriend(again) and ii) worried about losing her (like, never speak to her again as she's ALWAYS with him [I hope neither of them read this]) and b) my mum doesn't think I'll ever get a serious boyfriend. Which, to be honest, isn't too encouraging. So the person who's meant to see all my good things doubts I'm loveable. So, you know, I feel like I must be really ugly, and far too quiet and boring for anyone to be interested in. And it was just one of those days, and I keep giving up on love. But I'm a dreamer, and a romantic, and I want to fall in love, but yeah. It's an eternal paradox.
Also, this decreases my already low self confidence after bullying and self harming, suicide attempts, eating disorders, being stabbed in the back by friends, bitching. Actually, for 15, I only need to do pregnancy, drugs, abortion, drinking, STI's, and I would have suffered it all. Not too encouraging. So yeah, low self confidence, and stuff. And this is depressing.

Pi Cake. It's irrational.

PS. I forgot to say what WWLD stands for. It's from English. We had to write a letter to a friend and my friend was going over her mark, and she got stuck at one point and thought "Ok, I'll pretend to be a lesbian", she got 25/27 or something on that. So WWLD stands for What Would Lesbians Do. I actually now have the answer on my wrist- each other (I'm joking, I mean in no way to be offensive).

Sherlock. Again

Ok, so the skull and the word DEATH looks very depressing and sad, but I'm not in a sad or depressed or even murderous mood today. I haven't even seen CSI (I love CSI. I now have a pretty good guess how the person died without the CSI's saying. But only when it's poison or shot or something. Ok, I can also do dry ice). I'm actually in a very good mood. Now, if you're confused, look at the title. Alright, so I'm still annoyed over how they have totally ruined the character of Irene Adler. She's just, she's too old-fashioned for the show, and she seems too uncriminal and, I just loved the Irene Adler in the Sherlock Homes movie. She was sexy in a subtle way, and actually clever, you know, not Sherlock, but above average clever, and dangerous and ahead of her times and just, better. But I'm not going to go on about that. Much more.
Because I'm happy. Because I got A Study In Scarlet, because I've never actually read it (shame on me). And I've started to read it, but I haven't finished it, so no yelling if I got this stuff wrong.I like the fact that the show changed the clues and everything around. So the Rachel in the show is RACHE or revenge in German. If it is actually Rachel I'm annoyed. Just saying. Because I like it this way, because the show now feels more unique and it stands out as a good show on it's own, and it's a brilliant show, but in its own right, and I disagree with my mother who only judges it against the old TV series.
Anyway, yeah, that's not the only thing I wanted to talk aobut. The reason I have a skull on my hand is that there's a skull on the cover of the book (along with a picture of Benedict Cumberbatch), so I drew that. I know it's not so good, so expect more skulls. And death just popped into my mind, so I wrote that, and hope popped into my mind at the same time. So, I was in the chippy getting tea (ah, healthy) and I remembered this thing I wrote. See below:
As and when I finally pass from this life to the next, I wish that you do not morn, or cry or grieve. For as I slip into an eternal peace, I will leave behind me the worries and trivalies of this life. When I die, money will no longer hold to me any meaning and the worries of law seem a pointlessness.
Death shall set me free, delivering me to my God, into a perfect and eternal life. I shall join all of my ancestors, be united with long lost friends and at one with the greats of history. I will have no title, will join everyone, to be where everyone is truly at one. No more prejudice, age and race and gender will have no meaning once I have died. I look forward to those days of true freedom.
When I depart from this life, smile, remember me at my best, happy, youthful, joyous, truthful. Remember me surrounded by friends and family. I want you to swap your happiest memories of me, for when you remember me at my best, then I will once again be alive. Never morn me like a loss, for I know that one day you too shall be as free as me when I am dead.

I know, it's a bit concerning for a 15 year old to write that, but then, my great aunt and cat were both dying when I wrote that. I know that cat doesn't seem that important as pets die all the time, but my cat was with me since I was born, and was like a very trust worthy friend and sister, if a very quiet one.

Ok, so first of all, first picture of my face. I have no idea what possessed me to do so, apart from the fact I love this hoodie, and I thought I looked kinda cute, plus, the pictures all looked a bit same-y today, so I added a bit more.
And second, which I have already mentioned, I love this hoodie, it has thumb holes and a sleeve pocket. A pocket in the sleeve. I mean, it has a zip and everything, and it's really pretty, and it was a Christmas present. And it's already dirty. Not- well it is- but it isn't. My fault that is.
So today is candle themed! Yeah so drawing of a candle, and a lady who lives in the flame. Well, you know the purple bit in the flame, it looks like a woman's dress, except it's obviously got someone in it, from the angle, and the fact- well it looks like there's someone in it. And I think it looks Victorian, and she looks, from her dress and silhouette like she'd me the type of person to have a bun.
So I was pretty much really, really, really bored, and so I decided to burn one of the candles I got for Christmas. I got a load, because I admittedly really like them, especially the smelly ones. I got thrown out of a shop once (very politely and kindly I might add), because I spent two hours with my best friend smelling candles. I am a big lover of Yankee Candles. They just smell so gorgeous (that took 3 attempts for spell check to recognise alone). But the one still burning in my bedroom has no scent. But candles are just so relaxing.
I have this thing where I burn prayers. I feel more confident God knows it when I do (yes, I'm a Christian, if you didn't tell by the fact I have a cross on my hand often), as it's like defiantly pressing the send button on an email. It just feels more sure.
So , final point I wanted to say was this: doesn't a small candle flame look so unworldly. It looks so soft, like a painting, and dreamy, and against a normal background of definite edges and unmoving outlines, it seems like a flame belongs to another dimension or universe. That's also why I feel more certain that my prayers are heard when I burn them are heard by God, because they're almost godly. And then there's the thing where the holy spirit descended like a flame, and, well, sometimes in the Bible when they say like, they mean as. It's a common theme we learnt in RE. Love RE, most epic teacher ever.
PS, because it is in no way related to any of the above, Sherlock's back! I am such a fan girl, but Irene Adler! I mean, she's way too sharp and old-fashion for her. I know she's not organically 21st century, but since they updated Sherlock to this century, they should have done the same to her, not left her in the 80's. She just feels a bit too old-fashioned for the show, and for the character. I much prefer the Sherlock Homes movie version. I might also be listening to it again whilst I type this. But yes, I love it.

Birds

Okay, so more revision notes. Today's little bit of arty stuff is a bird, it's meant to be a dove, and, since today's RE revision, which is more fun that science, but anyway, it still has a mild revision purpose. So the notes are on the baptism of Jesus and why he was baptized. I'm not going to bore you with them.

So like I said, today's arty thing is a bird. So I chose it because to me this morning it meant freedom, as in, an escape from my revision and work and the pressure of being in top set and GCSE's and stuff. But then I remembered that a bird is a symbol of the holy spirit, and that little smudgy thing that my brother thinks looks like a storm troopers helmet is actually a really rough sketch of this painting of Jesus' baptism. So I got thinking more into the symbology of the bird.
An eagle is the America national bird (I think), representing freedom, a very important belief in America, freedom of speech, freedom from fear, freedom to worship, freedom from hunger. In Islam, the eagle represents nobility, warlike ferocity and dominion, in Christianity it represents salvation. I could go on and on, just regarding the eagle alone. Birds are often used to represent the skills and ideas and feelings we hold dearest, freedom, peace, hope, power, inspiration, optimism, salvation, victory, purity, love, joy, beauty, and so much more.

In native american bird sings (similar to star signs) the falcon represented a natural born leader.A woodpecker would be compassionate and a fantastic listener, empathetic and understanding.Someone born under the raven would be enthusiastic and a natural entrepreneur. A goose would be the most efficient and determined of person. Finally, an owl would be a friend to the whole world. These are all brilliant qualities to have in a person.
An owl was also the symbol of wisdom in Greek mythology, and the symbol of the goddess Athena. In the Chinese zodiac a rooster would be loyal, trustworthy, motivated and confident.

We as humans often see the best in the world in birds, and why not? They look down from the heavens, they are free to go wherever they want and they are truly beautiful. So no wonder we look up to the birds in the sky.