Peacocks

So, I've been lazy. It's not that I haven't been drawing, I've been doing a lot of that, it's just I haven't gotten around to blogging them. But I have just entered study leave, so you'll have plenty of blogs coming up.


This is actually based on an old drawing. (I'll let you see that too).


This morning I cleared out my old art desk which I hardly ever used as it was too high up to sit on a chair at, and too short to lean over, as well as being in the garage which is always really cold and dark and creepy. But I found an old micro project I did based on birds. This project actually got me really keen on using pen in art, and eventually that pen left my paper and ended up on my hand. Then I went and replaced it with eye liner. :) But I really liked the drawing, and I've been wanting to do some peacock art for a while, and so decided to do this. It's partly in eye liner, and partly in silver gel pen.
But that's not really enough to blog about, so I began to think about what peacocks mean to me, and actually a lot of ideas emerged. First of all, peacocks make me think of fashion, as I've been thinking a lot about fashion at the moment, and I came up with this idea for a peacock dress, well, 4 actually. Then there's this Harry Potter wedding dress thing I thought of, and this too incorporated peacocks, white ones like the ones in Mayfoy Manor.
Also peacocks are amazingly noble,creatures, as they are: a)beautiful, b) often seeing living of important houses because they are beautiful, c) they have a really posh way of walking and d) they always hold their heads high. So not only do peacocks appear noble, the also look like they have a lot of pride, just like us. There are times when our pride stops us from telling others what we really think, it keeps us stubborn, and maybe keeps us away from what we really want because we're too afraid that we'll be embarrassed. In "The Little Princess" (which I finished reading yesterday for the first time despite loving the film as a child and having Frances Hodgson Burnett as one of my all-time favorite authors), pride also makes an appearance.
To be honest, my head hurts, and it's spinning and I feel like I'm going to be sick, so I'm going to stop blogging now, if that's okay with you.
Oh, and one last question, what is your AIA book?
Mine's "Does My Head Look Big In This"

Vein Trees

(I apologies for the terrible quality photo. 3DS, not meant to be for A level stuff. Not that this is, but...)
So this is one of the two big things I'm drawing at the moment, vein trees, as well as peacocks. I've been washing them off every day, and I thought I should blog about it because i'm weird.

So yes, vein trees. It's literally trees I draw over my veins. I don't like looking at veins, especially on my wrist, because I use to self harm, and, ok, sometimes I do get very tempted (arguments, exam pressure, revision pressure, etc.) and when I see veins, I see blood and self harming. And feel kind of sick. Because, i don't know, I just do .It's especially my veins. And recently in lessons, we're constantly revising, and I find myself colouring in/ drawing on my veins. And they look a lot like trees. I went over this one in eye-liner because it makes it look a bit more Japaneses I think.
So this got me thinking about veins and trees, and this song popped into my head.

Yep, the Lion King. Amazing movie, and especially this song. Because everything is linked. Trees look like veins because they're both alive, and they both grow and we need both. Without trees, this planet would be a mess. Without veins we couldn't live. Then we die, and rot, and our atoms go into the trees, then the tree grows fruit and our atoms go into the fruit, then someone else comes and eat the fruit, and we become part of someone else. So our veins become a tree, which becomes another person, which could become a tree, and so on. It's a never ending circle.

Being arty

I finish my art GCSE, and now I want to get arty. No, this actually came from spending way too much time looking at all the amazing body art on Deviant Art. I was especially interested in the Hunger Games stuff, and became a little bit disappointed. Yes, the eyes were amazing, but a lot of the nail art is quite boring and uninspired. But basically, it was book covers over and over again, and I think with nails (especially if you can use the official Hunger Games nail polishes), you could do something a bit more artistic. Fire patterns are too obvious, but (here's my idea) an arrow going across all the nails one one hand (excluding the thumb) in gold, on a coal black background with little hints of flames, then a mockingjay on the thumb= awesome. But I can't do that yet. Stay tuned.
No, but I wanted to incorporate this idea onto my hand art. This is actually using black, cream and a hint of pink eye shadow with my gold gel pen. Originally I was going to blog on Egypt today, but then I had a sudden urge to do this. The coal dust black is obviously district 12 (the coal mining district), and the cream and pink is the closest I could get to fire colours.


But yes, I am still obsessed with the Hunger Games. I know it's not that good, but I consider this vital course work in my procrastination GCSE.

(edit)
After I wanted a Peeta one to match (by after I mean 1 minute later), so it's on a black background again for 12, with green smudges to represent camouflage as Peeta's a boss at camo “Yes, frosting. The final defense of the dying.” And bread for the boy with bread, and I thought it needed a bit more, so I put real or not real. What do you think?

Harry, Hunger Games & Hillywood

I had this done in America, right outside Harry Potter World. Isn't she a beauty? And, to be fair to Universal, Harry Potter world was amazing. Except they had Olivanders in Hogsmeade. And butter-beer is just... not good. But I freaking love Pumpkin Juice, it's so nice, especially when not frozen, like when you get it from the store, not in the 3 Broomsticks (I have been, and eaten, twice in the three broomsticks. And drank in the Hogshead. Where they don't sell muggle drinks). Yes, I love it (present tense intended).

Yes, so I drew this the other day. It was partly inspired by the henna from Hogwarts (been there too. My god-mother went on Harry Potters forbidden journey 20 times! I went on 4. My god-sister and I district 12 saluted Fred & George), and partly inspired by Cinna (and my art gcse stuff). It took about 2 hours to do, and is done entirely in gold gel pen (this is the Cinna bit, his famous gold eyeliner). It was really relaxing to do, especially since I've been revising so hard for my exams (first ones up tomorrow, if you don't include art. Which took 2 days, but we got to talk and eat biscuits and listen to radio 2).

(yes, I have loads of images of this). My favorite thing about the Hunger Games at the moment is the fashion. I have a fashion thing at the moment, but I still love books, and action and sci-fi, and the Hunger Games combines all these loves so perfectly. I'm still disappointed at the fire dress in the movie, I mean, seriously? I was imagining loads and loads of gems, or at least some on the dress. In my imagination it is just encrusted all over with gems, mainly red, but going to yellow then a bit of white and purple at the bottom, like in the book. Or at least have some in a flame pattern. Admittedly, what they did in the movie was quite clever, but it's no way near as good as the book. But the opening ceremony outfit was just perfect. Didn't like Katniss' hair, but the costume... Pure amazingness. I only just noticed the absence of any crowns, but I think with the hair, it would have spotlit it. The little bit on the shoulders, much better than in the book. Furthermore, whilst the candle dress was nothing like I was imagining, (I was thinking candle yellow shade of Luna Lovegood's dress for Bill and Fleurs wedding kind of thing), it is exactly what they said in the book, she does look very innocent and girly, and it's defiantly a candle colour. I think I just went for Luna's dress because the material would reflect the light well, and I think the material should defiantly be reflecty. Also, Ruth was so cute, but when looking through some of the opening ceremony costumes in the official tribute book, I fail to get how they're related to the district.

Finally, I got a mockingjay pin for £10. Oh, and one more thing I'm really obsessed with regarding Hunger Games, is Hunger Games parodies, especially song ones. If you haven't seen the Hillywood Hunger Games parody, you defiantly should. It's not their best by a long shot, but it defiantly is great, and if you are as Hunger Games/ fashion crazy as I am, you'll defiantly love it. It's actually my new favorite song, after Taylor Swift's "Eyes Open", and possibly "Girl on Fire" by Arshad. One good thing about "Girl on Fire" is that it's very much an accurate song regarding the book. Oh, and Whitney Lee Milam has some awesome Hunger Games stuff too. And Sherlock, and yeah, check her out too. May the Odds be Ever in Your Favour.

Jack Ashley

So, I'm back from America. Been back since Sunday, but had way too much hw to blog. I'm not going to tell you about America. I'm going to talk about this guy instead.

Lord Jack Ashley died yesterday (20th April 2012) after catching pneumonia. To be honest, I had never heard of him before today. But from just a short conversation with my mum, I was amazed. He was the first deaf member of parliament, and did so much to change the lives of the disabled. For instance, he campaigned for wheelchair access to all public buildings, such as banks, shops, school, etc. But what he mainly campaigned for was the deaf and blind. He came up pretty much with the idea of subtitles on a TV. But that's not what touched me the most about his story. It's that all his work, it was about 20 years ago. Here and now, it's not unusual to see someone with a disability. Wheelchairs, blindness, being deaf, there's nothing strange or unusual about these things. Yet until 20 years ago, it was virtually impossible for them to go to school, to get into a shop or bank, to go to the solicitors, to have a normal life. I knew it wasn't always the way it is today, but I assumed, I don't know what I assumed. I thought it would have been done way back, in the 50's or 60's. Not the 90's. It seemed like such an obvious thing to take care of, to make sure that everyone could, basically, live their lives. Whilst it is amazing how fast things have changed in such a short space of time, things still aren't ideal. Yet they are constantly improving. Now you don't just get subtitles for the hard-hearing or deaf, but audio-description for the blind. And it's not just for TV anymore, now it's in the cinemas and everywhere. Which is good. We should live in a world where everyone can live life to the fullest possible and experience the same things, even if it is in different ways. But that 20 years really struck me. the drawing on my hand was inspired by now I reacted to what I heard about Jack Ashley. The wolrd represents how we all live on one planet, and the stars remind us that it's the only one we have, but it is so beautiful. The cross was for when my religion was ignited and I felt like I had to pray. Also, the news really touched my soul and made a real impact, and my religion is at my heart, as is where this story is.Then there's the man in the wheelchair, with a peace symbol for a wheel. That's what I felt best summed up Jack Ashleys story. RIP Jack Ashley. You changed the world so much, for the better.

America, here I come

So, Easter holidays are here is the UK. And so I'm off to America, Florida, Orlando with mon famile et some family friends. Which should be supermegafoxyawesomehot, because I haven't see Rachel in FOREVER. Ok, 1,2 years. Still a long time. So, can anyone guess what I'm looking forward to the most? Yep, 10 house point to (INSERT YOUR HOUSE), I can't wait to go to Harry Potter World. I mean, they advertise a British pub with British food! Last time I was in America, I have Turkey Twizzlers every lunch and dinner. I was over-the-moon to go to Epcot and eat Chinese food. They also had fortune cookies there, and let me tell you, I love fortune cookies. Like, Harry Potter movie love. You know, not as much as the books, but still, LOADS! Tell you what I also got in Epcot last time. A Kimono. Here's a photo.

5 years and quite a few inches taller, still wearing it. I love it. But I'm also kinda worried about Harry Potter world. I mean, they have Olivanders in Hogsmeade. And about 6,7,8 shops. You know, I was raised on these books. I waited for my letter to Hogwarts when I was younger. But I'm also exited. I'm just worried what house to buy for because I didn't know about Pottermore, and so I haven't been shorted, so what if I buy for the wrong house? I think I'll be Hufflepuff, though I might be Ravenclaw. So, I'll probably buy for Hufflepuff anyway. I also have a friend who is defiantly in Hufflepuff, so if worst comes to the worst, I'll have to give it to her. There's also a drawing of Tinkerbell's wings up there, and that is becuase I'm team Tinkerbell. My mum's nickname for me has always been Tinkerbell and so, I buy loads of Tinkerbell stuff. I also love Winnie the Pooh (I still sleep with my Winnie the Pooh teddy sometimes), but I'm mainly Tinkerbell. I never actually liked Minnie, probably because my uncle got me this weird Minnie toy. She just, yeah. One final thing, in America, hopefully I'll get my prom dress, so I might have a photo of it when I come back. There are no prom places in my town, so I have to cross the Atlantic in hopes of getting one. Oh, oh, and I get to go to an America church on Easter day. So yeah, won't be around for a few weeks (well, maybe one or two), so have fun without me, and I'll see you when I get back.

Hunger Games!!!

Loved it. Kinda

Yep, I saw the Hunger Games. It was quite good, but not OMG-I-FREAKING-LOVE-IT good. Just, you know, good. (Yep, the postcard is random, but I got it whilst waiting for my friends in front of the cinema. I think it's cool. I just love quotes. Quotes are cool. I so want to build a quote wall, but I need to find a load of pain non-treated card postcards (pretty specific, hun?) so, it you know where I could find some them tell me. And yes, I'm going more into holding things, but I just can't draw lately. And yes, this is becoming once a week, and I should really get into the main part of the blog, becasue this is more end stuff. I'm so sorry if this is boring.)
So I saw the Hunger Games movie. We actually went on the day it came out (then what took you so long to blog. A: GCSE's. Gosh, I have so much homework Y:... A: Moving on). I actually went to the dentist first and got in a bit of a fight with her. Not going over why, but it was a draw.
So I saw the movie at 5: something. It was really good. Not as good as I hoped it would be, but it's true(-ish) to the book, and it shows some things they'd need for the sequel and my favorite bit was with Seneca Crane, towards the end. I know, probably not the best, but it was so good. I'm totally not going to put any spoilers here. It fits in the story, both in the book and movie, and the roses made me go Alice in Wonderland (not related), but kinda. For people who didn't work it out (ie, me) he's the guy with the awesome beard. I just love his beard. It's cool, I could write a blog about the beard, well probably not.
Also the way they treat Rue is just so perfect. I cried a few tears, just gentle, caused by both by the flowers and also what happened after. It was just so beautifully done, and kept to the story, but was still unique.
But, tbh, it wasn't amazing. It seemed a bit slow in places, especially at the start (or was that just me?) and ALL of my favorite lines were missing, and scenes, and they made the ending... THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED!!! Well, it was, kinda, but no, it wasn't. I don't know. Your opinions. ?
But that was my second date. Poor guy never finished the book, so he missed all the awesomeness and eugh... They missed the mutations near the end (well, ok they were there, but not the omg-so shocking, just normal muts) and the part that made me cry in the hospital with Peeta (come on, you can't really tell, well, you can. Sorry) and Stay Alive. They missed Stay Alive!!! I loved Stay Alive. Perfect Katniss though. Loved her. Jennifer Lawrence did such an amazing job, and she's still young, but totally felt like Katniss to me.
And... Ok, too much relationship moi blogs. I'll stop.
Dr Who. Sometime soon. I hope. I need to.
Oh, and I love eyes open by Taylor Swift. Disappointed that none of the songs from district 12 or beyond made it in, but whatever. It's like Almost Alice with the Alice and Wonderland movie right?

The 21st Centaury is when everything changes

That’s the famous quote from BBC’s Torchwood. And you know what, they’re right. But not because of the aliens, or the end of the world. The 21st Century is when a man can become world famous almost over night, with just a few clicks. We’ve all seen the power of the internet. It brings us talking dogs, our favourite songs, instant movies. It lets us talk to someone hundreds of miles away. But recently, people have begun to truly harness the power of the internet. This Christmas just past, a practical unknown got to number 4 on the official Christmas day charts. Alex Day, aka Nerimon, has gathered over the past 6 years has around 500,000 subscribers on YouTube. He made chart history by encouraging them to by his single “Forever Yours” and became the first unsigned artist in the top 40.
In London and other major cities in the UK, riots were organised on Twitter and Facebook, leading to losses of £100 million in London alone. These surely would have not been possible a mere 10 years ago, back when no one had ever even heard of Facebook or YouTube, when Twitter wouldn’t even exist for another four years. Yet now many of us can no longer imagine life without any of these devises.
Of course, like anything, the internet can be used for good and bad, as shown above. The 2011 Arab Spring was defiantly fuelled by the power of social networking sites. People who were too scared to raise their voice before found the freedom to do so by the internet. We can now bring leaders to their knees with the right video, the right status, the right tweet. By the end of this year, we shall truly being to understand the true power of what we’re going through.

The 21st Century is when everything changes

no eyeliner, Hunger games, books and a little of my life

... So instead I used nail varnish and pen.

So the infinity symbol I'm just in love with. Because it's clever and meaningful and simple. The butterfly is because I was thinking last night if I ever get a tattoo I might need one with a little colour. And I've just drawn so many butterflies this week because of art and I think they're awesome. Plus, apparently their in fashion.
I realise this is becoming a few random pictures that aren't really related, but my life's becoming interesting. And there's nothing on TV. I finish the Hunger Games though, and I'm so desperate to read the sequel (Catching Fire) but I have to borrow it off my friend who a) lent it to my other friend (I don't care, I can wait) and b) has this weird thing about not bending the spines of books. Now that annoys me. Books are meant to be read and enjoyed, and a side effect of doing that is the fact they get creased spines and a little bit messy (well, in my case, quite a bit messy) but that's a sign it's being read and enjoyed. The last time I burrowed a book from her I got so scared a tiny crease will appear so I never read it. But I did manage to find it in a charist shop (Cat among the Pigeons by Julia Golding, the old covers were so beautiful).
Anyway, I loved the hunger games as a book, and I'm super hyped over the movie. 23rd march cna't come fast enough. I've seen the trailer so many times (there's a lot of italic so's this blog) and I have done that thing where you go and look up any blog related to it. Very hunger games obsessed, because it's such a good book, and yeah! Oh, and don't you just love Safe and Sound? It's not Taylor's normal style, but it's more folk/country so more to her roots, which I lvoe. Plus it's kinda depressing and most of my favorite songs are depressing. I'm nto going to say anything about it in case of spoilers, except, well, I struggled to imagine Effie in the book, she ended up looking a lot like Rita Skita to me, just dressed Lady GaGa-ish/ bitchy fashion show way, and admittedly, Elizabeth Banks is not how I imagined her, just to get a proper vimage of her is so helpful and I really hope she'll do a good job. I've seen her in a few movies, and she seemed ok, (I know, aren't I annoying, not talking at all about Peeta (how do you say his name?) or Katniss or Gale or Rue but anyway, I think they're all going to be brilliantly cast.) I'll tell you one thing, I really love the name Katniss now. What do you think?
Oh, and I've been watching way too much what the buck (seen him? No? Go look him up on YouTube now) and, oh, you know I wrote a blog about that guy last week. We're a coulpe now).

The only exception

Ok, so I know I normally have images I've drawn on my hand, but this bracelet tells a very important story, and to be fair, it does live on my right hand. But, in case you're not satisfied with this, here's something I did earlier this week.

DFTBA is a nerd fighter thing. It means don't forget to be awesome. I don't think anyone should forget that they are awesome, and so should continue to be awesome. It's like live long and prosper.

So, back to the bracelet. It was a Christmas present (not much, but he and his sister also gave me some beyond beautiful earrings I plan to wear to the proms) from an ex, who's also a really good friend. Who, ok, I still have feelings for. I went somewhere today (a friends (not his) house and no, he wasn't there), and I just felt naked without it. I'm so used to it. To me it represents hope and love and kindness and fun and him. And he's just so nice and he makes me smile, and, to be honest, I completely screwed it up. I broke it off the first time, because I hardly knew him and it was just awkward. But now I really know him, and he can always make me smile, and he's funny and nice and we can talk, and I've started to think of him as kind-of sexy.
And one of my friends managed to worm this out of me, and then she told him. The first time he asked me out, through one of his friends, and I said he had to talk to me in person. So now it looks like I'm being a hypocrite, which I totally get, because I should, will (I hope) talk to him myself. I... just screwed it up.
It's not love (I'm 15 for Chips sake), but anyway, love doesn't happen just like that like it does in the movies, I bet, and so, yeah.
I also used to have this rule that I'd never go back out with and ex because if it didn't work the first time it's hardly going to work again, and also my friend (the one who "talked" to him for me) used to be constantly on/off with this guy, and it ruined her friendship with us and everyone was moaning and the guy was left with no friends because of it, and it just didn't work. And I'd never want to get into that. But we just jumped into a relationship (if you can call it that) too early. And now I know where I want to be and I know him and, I know what I want, and I have to do it again. I have to take my own advice and talk to him. I should be very good at this by the time I go to six-form.
(It's like the Paramore song) (did I spell that right?)

Never perfect-except when it is

You remember last weeks? Well, it's finished.-ish.

Ok, so I said last week I had-or was involved with this really mega problem. Which has now shrunk a load. Let's just say I think I got it right, and it's pretty much ok. But (RANT ALERT) the person who benefited the most from me looking for the truth (apart from possibly me and one other) told me off for looking into it. And whilst I can see that yes, it was private, but the person who "owns" the secret won't keep it to themselves (it's all a HUGE lie anyway) and know I'm sure of the truth I can defend them, but without it, I wouldn't be that good at it.
Also, I went to town today with my friends, and then everyone was talking about troubles with their family. And I'm lucky to have a pretty good family, so I can't complain, and I feel terrible when I want to say something, but I'm worried that if I did then I'd seem really bitchy and mean, so I don't talk. So, I kinda want something amazingly bad to happen to be, just so I can fit in a bit more and feel included. Is that weird? It probably is, but then, I don't know how else to talk and not seem to think I'm better or luckier or richer or whatever than my friends.
DFTBA XXX

Truth and Lies

Ok, so a bit different from normal. I want to start this with a quote from "Only the Good Spy Young" by Ally Carter. Please read the series, because it's awesome. I was just thinking about how I was going to blog today, and then I remembered this quote from the end:

"...Don't think of this as me running away, but of me running towards.
" Towards answers. Towards hope. Towards wherever I have to go..."

So, I didn't blog last week because I was packing for Paris. I came back today. And most of it was really fun. I mean we (my friends and I) spent the whole trip in Disneyland Paris going on all of the big rides and having fun and generally being teenagers. Well, we also went up the Eiffel Tower and other stuff, but mainly Disney.
But then this thing happened. I was told something, and it hasn't spoiled my trip, but there's this big chunk of it that is a massive black hole eating away at me whenever I think about it. And it's big, so I'm thinking about it a lot. That's what the knife represents: that feeling eating away at me for knowing about it, and my memory of the trip and my opinions of the people involved, and it's sickening.
I mentioned earlier I went up the Eiffel Tower. That was a big thing for me, because i'm really scared of heights. It's pretty much always been there. I didn't go to the top, but the second floor. Normally, when I'd hear something like this secret, I'd ignore it and hope it goes away. The longing for the closest thing I can get to the truth will still be there, but at least no one would be hurt. But I used to give advice to people about this stuff. And if I'd have had to advice someone in the position I am in now, I'd tell them to dig. So right now, I'm digging. I'm finding all opinions, and looking at what I know, and, it's scary. Because I know people will get hurt, and upset, and I normally try to avoid that. And I still will. But I need the truth. Because there is one person in this situation with a whole load of power, over me, over the other person, and even other another person who doesn't even know about it. And they aren't as delicate around other people as i am, so people could get hurt if they wish it to be so. But if I have the truth, I can stop that, or at least minimize the damage. At least, I hope so.

And really, it's strange to think how one little secret, that I don't even know to be true, can have so much power and potential to hurt, and this control over me. That's what the big lip with the pad lock means. This single secret. I hope I can come back next week and tell you it was all just a joke or a fantasy, but we don't know that. I know some of my friends may read this, and they could probably work out who has the power, if they think hard enough. Part of me hopes they do, another part hopes they don't. Either way, this is me running toward answers, towards tears and pain and anger and fights, and then finally to the Truth.

a small rant

Ok, so these were inspired by, well, a load of stuff. The spade, clock in an apple (well minus the apple), the domino and the infinaty sign were inspired by NCIS. Isn't Abby the best? The cross comes from the fact in town there were people offering to pray for a persons healing, and since my thumb really hurts, I was prayed for (and I think someone from school may have seen me, a little bit embarrising). And the thing you have to listen to me talk about are the ancor and the little bird. And also kinda the infinaty sign as it doubles as rope, well they were inspired by these tattoos on a guy who's photo was distracting me alll throughout my time in my art college.
So, first thing about my art collage (not sure which is trhe right one but hey, you can work it out) is that it's the only one of 4 in the country. Second, I now kinda want to go. I mean, I'm considering taking the Communication and Marketing course. It's much more achedemic and interesting and IT and vocational and it's useful for PR, I hope.
Thrid thing, my mum is determined as hell that I won't go. I mean, my dad and I mentioned I went and I got a lecture that I will "under no curcumsatnces" go to the art college. And you know what, I didn't consider it for 5 minutes until I went and now it seems like the best route to me. Well, one of the best. But she was just so determined for me not to go. I mean, liltterally yelling.
I don't like how predujuce she seems. I'm not sure what I want to do yet, but I feel forced to walk the route she's planed for me. So, yeah, I'm A) really annoyed, and B) really confused.
PS, I know this is short by CSI:NY is on and I'm on my dad's laptop.
PPS. Sorry for any spelling mistakes. It doesn't look like this thing has spell check. I mean, I live off spell check.
Well, tarra

Friends, second-homes and a lot of awesome

So this was more like homework than fun, but it was still fun. It's just in the library at school (or as I call it home or the room of requirements.) we're doing this quiz/book hunt fun-hopefully thing to celebrate national library day. Then we have to do it for the book day as well. Which is ok, and the above is the clue for the book inkheart. I need to read it, but I have seen the movie. (Please don't kill me).
But to be honest I don't mind, because without the library, my friends and I would have no social meeting groud that is safe from people we don't like, and we get bonuses like free books (Mortlock-it is aimed for boys, but still awesome, no romance [well a bit, but...], just friendship and family stuff and magic and zombie things and ghosts and curses and Apocalypse) and missing lessons and cake and to eat our lunch in there when no one else can, and free books we have to give back but can choose and to make the whole library more awesome. Plus we're training some future library awesome people. Which is awesome.
And I'm now going to volunteer in Oxfam for the same reason, because that's pretty much what I ended up doing today. For no reason other than they have awesome cookies and two of my friends volunteer there, and it'll look awesome on my CV. Yes, this blog features a lot of the word awesome, but that's why it's in the title.
So to sum up this blog, I love my school library, soon will love Oxfam, love love love my friends (I got a packet of Macoys crisps today for 50p, like 6 bag packet. It cost 66p for just one. Because my friends had a massive argument. And a book of insults. This all happened in Oxfam) and I love books. And I want all of the Sherlock books. Okay, so that never actually came up yet, but my blogs seem empty without Sherlock. I should really get a life. But then, I love Benedict Cumberbatch and in love with Sherlock as a whole. And soon there will be a photo of me on Facebook lying in the body outline on the floor in my local Waterstones, because of my friends. That's about it.
DFTBA

Not very positive blog

Ok, so this is a lotta photo's. 3 represent characters in what was meant to be a short story, but it's about 7 pages long, and I've got a bit to go, so, maybe small book. One's burnt and becomes the purple bit in every candle, one dies of heart break and becomes the new Mona Lisa, and one dies of "consumption" or tuberculosis and becomes an angel. The order of deaths in reversed here. I'm not too good at writing happy stuff.
And I have the word LOVE on my thumb bit crossed out. This is a) because my friend has a boyfriend, and I'm i) worried I'll never get a boyfriend(again) and ii) worried about losing her (like, never speak to her again as she's ALWAYS with him [I hope neither of them read this]) and b) my mum doesn't think I'll ever get a serious boyfriend. Which, to be honest, isn't too encouraging. So the person who's meant to see all my good things doubts I'm loveable. So, you know, I feel like I must be really ugly, and far too quiet and boring for anyone to be interested in. And it was just one of those days, and I keep giving up on love. But I'm a dreamer, and a romantic, and I want to fall in love, but yeah. It's an eternal paradox.
Also, this decreases my already low self confidence after bullying and self harming, suicide attempts, eating disorders, being stabbed in the back by friends, bitching. Actually, for 15, I only need to do pregnancy, drugs, abortion, drinking, STI's, and I would have suffered it all. Not too encouraging. So yeah, low self confidence, and stuff. And this is depressing.

Pi Cake. It's irrational.

PS. I forgot to say what WWLD stands for. It's from English. We had to write a letter to a friend and my friend was going over her mark, and she got stuck at one point and thought "Ok, I'll pretend to be a lesbian", she got 25/27 or something on that. So WWLD stands for What Would Lesbians Do. I actually now have the answer on my wrist- each other (I'm joking, I mean in no way to be offensive).

Sherlock. Again

Ok, so the skull and the word DEATH looks very depressing and sad, but I'm not in a sad or depressed or even murderous mood today. I haven't even seen CSI (I love CSI. I now have a pretty good guess how the person died without the CSI's saying. But only when it's poison or shot or something. Ok, I can also do dry ice). I'm actually in a very good mood. Now, if you're confused, look at the title. Alright, so I'm still annoyed over how they have totally ruined the character of Irene Adler. She's just, she's too old-fashioned for the show, and she seems too uncriminal and, I just loved the Irene Adler in the Sherlock Homes movie. She was sexy in a subtle way, and actually clever, you know, not Sherlock, but above average clever, and dangerous and ahead of her times and just, better. But I'm not going to go on about that. Much more.
Because I'm happy. Because I got A Study In Scarlet, because I've never actually read it (shame on me). And I've started to read it, but I haven't finished it, so no yelling if I got this stuff wrong.I like the fact that the show changed the clues and everything around. So the Rachel in the show is RACHE or revenge in German. If it is actually Rachel I'm annoyed. Just saying. Because I like it this way, because the show now feels more unique and it stands out as a good show on it's own, and it's a brilliant show, but in its own right, and I disagree with my mother who only judges it against the old TV series.
Anyway, yeah, that's not the only thing I wanted to talk aobut. The reason I have a skull on my hand is that there's a skull on the cover of the book (along with a picture of Benedict Cumberbatch), so I drew that. I know it's not so good, so expect more skulls. And death just popped into my mind, so I wrote that, and hope popped into my mind at the same time. So, I was in the chippy getting tea (ah, healthy) and I remembered this thing I wrote. See below:
As and when I finally pass from this life to the next, I wish that you do not morn, or cry or grieve. For as I slip into an eternal peace, I will leave behind me the worries and trivalies of this life. When I die, money will no longer hold to me any meaning and the worries of law seem a pointlessness.
Death shall set me free, delivering me to my God, into a perfect and eternal life. I shall join all of my ancestors, be united with long lost friends and at one with the greats of history. I will have no title, will join everyone, to be where everyone is truly at one. No more prejudice, age and race and gender will have no meaning once I have died. I look forward to those days of true freedom.
When I depart from this life, smile, remember me at my best, happy, youthful, joyous, truthful. Remember me surrounded by friends and family. I want you to swap your happiest memories of me, for when you remember me at my best, then I will once again be alive. Never morn me like a loss, for I know that one day you too shall be as free as me when I am dead.

I know, it's a bit concerning for a 15 year old to write that, but then, my great aunt and cat were both dying when I wrote that. I know that cat doesn't seem that important as pets die all the time, but my cat was with me since I was born, and was like a very trust worthy friend and sister, if a very quiet one.